I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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