I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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