she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
