His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
