my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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