As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
