i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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