What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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