you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
