Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize