Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
