Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
