pop tarts are not kleenex
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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