I'm going to jail i love you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
