so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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