I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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