I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
