All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Couch. On fire.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
