So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
