no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
