is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
