If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
