If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
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I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
God, I missed his penis.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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