i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
