So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
