God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
