I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Let's get the cat blown out
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
