i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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