I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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