What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We named our party play list daddy issues
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
our cab driver is having phone sex.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
