So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
