he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
