I want to make a zoo with you.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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