i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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