Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
