I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
