I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
