I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
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Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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