Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
