i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
