Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
