Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do vagina's smell?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
