Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
