I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
