I'm eating all of the evidence.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
