And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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