If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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