we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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