its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
