I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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