last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
