And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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