I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
so much tequila, so little girl.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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