Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Vodka?
Forever.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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