Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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