he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
