Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you mean i was at the winter classic?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
