We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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