dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
