I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
