I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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