I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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