I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
