How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
