Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
