Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
