so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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