the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
