Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She is in my trunk
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
