The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
