She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
