Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
