Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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