As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
