he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
