i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
