In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
